Paperaxle Reviews: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I admit it. I used to like monkeys when I was a kid. Used to watch "Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp" on Saturday mornings, used to love "Magilla Gorilla", and used to love the old "Planet of the Apes" movie and television series. I used to even have a blog entitled "Monkey See, Monkey Doo" where I reviewed movies... long before Sledge talked me into doing this for you kids.

Ten years ago, Tim Burton did a remake featuring Marky Mark, and it was so bad, I was tempted to fling my own poo at the screen. Fortunately, it died a quicker death than bacon flavored root beer.

So, yeah, I was kinda dreading the new version of "Planet of the Apes". But I saw it last night at a sneak preview, and I'm not monkeying around... it's the best Ape movie of all time!

Will Rodman (James Franco) is a scientist working on a cure for Alzheimer's Disease, which his father Charles (John Lithgow) is suffering from. The laboratory Will works for is at the phase of testing the cure on a chimpanzee, named "Bright Eyes" (coincidentally the name given to the character played by Charleston Heston in the first "Planet of the Apes" movie). Bright Eyes later goes rogue and smashes up a good deal of the laboratory, and is shot and killed to prevent further destruction. It's found out later that Bright Eyes was pregnant, and the serum given her was passed from her genes into her offspring, named "Caesar" (which, if you didn't know, was played by Roddy McDowall the the last two Apes movies of the 1970's).

Because of the destruction of the laboratory by Bright Eyes, the program is to be shut down with all chimpanzees destroyed. Will sneaks Caesar out of the laboratory and into his house, and continues to work on a cure from home. When it's found that Caesar had grown progressively smarter, Will injects his father with the serum, and his father is cured.

But there are side effects to using the serum on humans. The effects are not long lasting, and sooner or later, antibodies in the human body can combat the cure, with fatal results. It can also mutant into a virus that can be passed on to other humans through contact.

Meanwhile, although Caesar is super-intelligent, he still retains his ultra violent nature. When Charles has began to lose his mental faculties, and causes an accident when "borrowing" the neighbor's car, Caesar goes ballistic when the neighbor takes his anger out on Charles. The neighbor is beaten and bitten by Caesar, and the chimpanzee is ultimately taken away by Animal Control and locked up, and lives in a cruel habitat with other simians.

It is here that Caesar plans to use his fellow apes to overthrow his captors, and breaks out of the compound, and releases an airborne strain of the cure to his fellow prisoners, which all become super smart. Caesar and his army begin to use his army of gorillas (guerrillas?) to dominate humanity. At a mid-end-credit scene, it is shown that the deadly anti-Alzheimer's serum will wipe out most of humanity in the coming days.

Lots of good Easter eggs in this movie as well, besides the two examples mentioned earlier. The head of the research facility is named "Jacobs", who was the producer of the first five "Planet of the Apes" movies (Arthur P. Jacobs). The main orangutan (and Caesar's friend) is named Maurice, after Maurice Evans, who played an orangutan in the first of the Apes movies. There is a newscast of the first manned flight to Mars, the Icarus, which was the ship piloted by Charleston Heston in the first movie of the series, setting up a possible sequel. And of course, the immortal line "Get your paws of me, you damn dirty ape!" is also used to great effect in this movie. Great prequel movie to the Apes series!

I'm giving this 105 minute movie a high recommendation, with 4 King Kong Bundys and a banana peel. It's the banana peel that keeps this movie from becoming a classic, but it's close.

Paperaxle Reviews: The Change-Up

I put off watching this movie for over a week. I outgrew movies where the sole purpose of the main character is only to get laid by as many women as he can. But I had people telling me that this movie was a lot better than "Horrible Bosses", and I really liked that movie.

Christ... look at the plot. Dave Lockwood (Jason Bateman) is a successful lawyer, and is married with three children. His best friend Mitch Planko (Ryan Reynolds) is a single, unemployed actor who takes too many drugs and refuses to grow up. Both friends believe the other has the better life and would love to switch lifestyles. One night, after having way too much to drink, both men find themselves walking through a park, with an urgent need to piss and the only available spot is in a wishing fountain.

And by pissing in the wishing fountain and talking about how each other has the better life, they find themselves in each other's bodies, and living each other's lives.

Now that sounds like quality entertainment, right? Isn't this a remake of "Freaky Friday"?

This is a movie where the raunchiness dances around the rim of the toilet seat, looks deep inside, but fortunately can (for the most part) pull back before taking that plunge. It wasn't full blown "Hangover" disgusting, but it comes close. (Jesus... I never thought I'd see a baby's ass puckering up before letting out an explosive shit! And I laughed at that! Out loud! What the hell is wrong with me?) The only thing about the movie which I didn't care for, and which the movie couldn't avoid, is the consequences of best friends changing bodies and the complications of Mitch sleeping with his best friend's wife, while Dave is nearly getting laid by nearly every girl he meets. (And nearly every female in this movie has a nude scene!)

If "Horrible Bosses" is the funniest movie I've seen this year, then "The Change-Up" comes in second, and that's something that's hard for me to admit. Jason Bateman has pulled off something that Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, and Adam Sandler can't do... that is to make two very funny movies in a row. Who woulda thunk it?

This 112 minute movie comes with a high recommendation, and I'm giving it 4 wet t-shirts and a dirty diaper. Just leave your brain in the car before you go in the theater, and you'll have a great time!

Paperaxle Reviews "Cowboys & Aliens"

This is one of those movies that's real pretty, but when you get home and you think about it, you'll realize that you really didn't like it as much as you thought you did.

In 1875, Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) is a criminal who wakes up in the middle of nowhere with a strange device attached to his arm, and no memory of who he is. He is taken to Absolution, a town ruled by Colonel Woodrow Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), a cattle rancher with an iron fist. Lonergan has stolen the Colonel's gold, and Dolarhyde wants revenge. But the two find out their troubles don't mean much when aliens decide to attack Absolution. And Jake is the only person who can defeat the aliens, if he only knew how. A mysterious woman, Ella Swenson (Olivia Wilde) who is more than she appears to be, will help Jake stop the aliens, but she first has to overcome a few problems... like raising herself from the dead.

Now, with a synopsis like this, you would probably think that this makes a premise for a fantastic movie, but you would only be half right. All of the pieces are there, but the director (Jon Favreau) cuts a few corners in order to tell his story. There are way too many "Why doesn't he...?" type questions in the movie. Jake has an "armgun" but yet he rarely uses it, instead preferring to run away from the aliens at every opportunity instead of blasting them. Ella's past is explained, and the how and why of how she came to be in Absolution is unsatisfying. Dolarhyde is shown to be a ruthless and evil man, even resorting to killing when necessary, and yet by the end of the movie, we are expected to actually care for him.

But there are some good aspects in the movie as well. The backstory of how Jake came to be in his situation is well told, and despite how easy it would be for the movie to degenerate into silliness, it maintains a serious tone all the way throughout.

Right after I saw this movie last night, I was ready to give this movie one of my highest recommendations, but after mulling it over for a while, the best I can give this 118 minute movie is a couple of Predators and some used bullets.

Paperaxle Reviews "Captain America: The First Avenger"

I'm a week late with this post. Saw this last Wednesday in Las Vegas, but the Rio hotel charges too much for internet service, so you guys just had to wait until I got back.

Remember the end credit scene of "Thor" earlier this year... the scene where Nick Fury explains that he has found a "Cosmic Cube" and they don't know how to harness its power? This movie is basically the setup for that.

It's 1942, and Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving), the leader of HYDRA (Hitler's secret science division), displays his newest find, a cube of immense power, stolen from Odin's treasure room. Meanwhile, in New York City, skinny little Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) becomes 4-F for the umpteenth time, and cannot join the military. Soon he catches the eye of Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci), who with the military's help, has created a "Super Soldier" formula, that can turn ordinary men into nearly invincible fighting machines. Rogers is tested under the command of Colonel Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) in order to determine just how good a soldier Rogers will be.

Dr. Erskine had developed the formula in Germany, and had first tested it on Schmidt, but since it had not been perfected yet, the side effects brought out the evil nature of Schmidt, and turned him into a "Red Skull". Erskine then fled to the US, and perfected the formula here.

When Schmidt (or "Red Skull" as he is now known), learned of Erskine's defection, he ordered the doctor to be assassinated. Soon after Rogers is injected with the formula, Erskine is killed, leaving the military with just the one Super Soldier, soon to be known as Captain America.

Cap is then used as military propaganda to raise the morale of the troops, and is a performer in a stage show in Italy, when he learns that his best friend and a number of soldiers are now prisoners behind enemy lines. In secret, Cap successfully leads a rescue mission to save the men, breaking into a top secret HYDRA base and confronting the Red Skull.

Now convinced of his worth to the military, Cap is allowed to continue to destroy HYDRA bases, in order to stop the Red Skull's plans to take over the world via the Cosmic Cube. In a final confrontation with the Red Skull, Cap learns of his plans to destroy the US with the Cube, and must save America while recovering the Cube for the good guys.

If you had to rank this super-hero movie with the others released so far this year, this would rank up there with "X-Men: First Class". I really liked "Thor", but not quite as much as I did this movie. And although the advanced screening I saw did not have the post credit scene, you'll need to stay a bit longer to catch the trailer for "The Avengers" movie due next summer.

I'd give this 124 minute movie my highest recommendation for this all star, all stripe event... a full fledged "A" for effort, just like the one on Cap's headgear. This movie is so patriotic, it makes Jack Bauer look like a Nazi by comparison.

Paperaxle Reviews "Horrible Bosses"

Remember "Bad Teacher" being a bad movie? You would think that a movie with the word "Horrible" in it would be even worse.

Got a surprise for you. "Horrible Bosses" is the movie that "Hangover 2" should have been. In fact, "Horrible Bosses" is one of the funniest movies I've seen, replacing "Paul" as the best comedy I've seen so far this year.

Pity Nick (Jason Bateman), Dale (Charlie Day) and Kurt (Jason Sudeikis). They have the worst bosses imaginable. Nick, who is aspiring to be the new Vice President of Sales, has Dave (Kevin Spacey) standing in his way. Nick has been working so hard for a promotion, and Dave keeps dangling the carrot in front of him, only at the last minute Dave gives the position to himself.

And how about Dale? He works as a dental assistant, with Julia (Jennifer Aniston) as his boss, always putting the moves on him, even in front of his fiancee. And if he doesn't go along with her wishes, she has pictures of him on her iPad (taken while he was unconscious) in very compromising situations, that will be used to blackmail him.

And finally there's Kurt. An accountant for a large chemical company. He worked for Jack Pellet (Donald Sutherland), until he got a heart attack and died, leaving the company to his son Bobby (Colin Farrell). When Jack was alive, he was promising the company to Kurt, but with Bobby in charge... Bobby is going to make Kurt's life a living hell.

One day, after drinks, they decide to hire a hitman (a very funny sequence involving a "wetwork man"), and when that goes wrong, they settle for a "murder specialist"... one Motherfucker Jones (played by Jamie Foxx). By the way, his name really isn't "Motherfucker"... and if you watched the original "Love Bug" movie, you'll be able to figure it out.

This movie hits one right note after another. There were any number of times when the jokes could have gone stale, but the movie constantly redeems itself and turns out to be a great comedy. Very nice ending, not rushed or written according to formula. It's such a great movie that a sequel will only cheapen it. And Jeezus... you've never seen Jennifer Aniston like this!

Featuring cameos by Ron White, Bob Newhart, and Barry Livingston (Ernie in "My Three Sons") playing "Professor Xavier", I cant help but give this 98 minute movie four pink slips and the keys to the executive washroom. You'll thank me for recommending this one.

Paperaxle Reviews "Transformers: Dark of the Moon"

I'm taking a survey here... just how many people in America are getting tired of Shia LaBeouf? (Translated from the French, the name literally means "Shit after the Fart".) The guy has ruined more movie franchises than Eddie Murphy (by his own admission, Shia has made moviegoers run from "Raiders", took the wrong turn to "Wall Street" and threw a pitchfork into "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle"), and has all the acting ability of a deaf man faking an orgasm.

If it wasn't for Transformers, Shia LeBeouf wouldn't even have a career, and since this is apparently the last movie in the trilogy, what's the chance we'll be seeing him again (in a good movie) in the near future?

"Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is 155 minutes of a plot that goes nowhere, with actors who don't do anything (some of them, like John Malkovich, are totally wasted!), and a very long robot fight.

The movie begins in the early 1960's. A space craft slams into the moon, where it is picked up by NASA. President John F. Kennedy authorizes a mission to put a man on the moon, as a cover to investigate the crash landing, which takes up most of the decade. Unfortunately, this is the point at which the movie stops becoming interesting, even with a cameo by Buzz Aldrin.

Then there's something about Optimus Prime finding evidence of the crash landing on the moon in the present day, and sets off to explore the crash site. He finds Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy), and brings him to Earth. Meanwhile, Sam Witwicky (the aforementioned LeBeouf) can't find a job, despite saving the world from the Decepticons, not once but twice. Sam finally finds a job with Bruce Brazos (John Malkovich) in a wasted role that adds nothing to the movie. However, one of Sam's coworkers, Jerry Wang (Ken Jeong, he of the "Hangover" series), who provides information to Sam about a new invasion by the Decepticons, before he is killed.

Then there is stuff about the FBI getting involved, and of course that means the return of Seymour Simmons (John Turturro), along with Sam's parents from the previous movies, throwing in everything except Megan Fox, who decided not to participate in this one. Sam has an new girlfriend, Carly Spencer (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) who doesn't do any better or worse in the role that Fox did.

I kept thinking that robots in this movie had died in previous movies, and I can't keep all the names straight. I don't know who was who, what side they fight for, and the last hour is one big robot fight. I don't like all of the cliched characterization in this movie, and except for the special effects, there's nothing much to recommend this at all. Haven't I seen this movie before?

Giving this one two TinkerToys and a bolt cutter. This movie is like eating rainbow sherbet... a little bit is all right, but to keep eating it over and over and over is too much.

Hammer Reviers "Larry Crowne"

So yesterday it was 200 degrees outside and Cherry and I decided to use someone else's air conditioning so we decided to go check out the new Tom Hanks movie - Larry Crowne. We have seen a whole bunch of blockbuster action and comic book movies this summer, but it is great to see something a little different. Tom Hanks’ Playtone Productions' latest project, Larry Crowne, is written by both Hanks and Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) and directed by Hanks himself. The movie is not meant to be overly too exciting and the good thing is the lack in excitement doesn’t mean lack in entertainment - which is really what we are all looking for in a movie.

Tom Hanks plays the title character, a man who takes pride in his retail job where he is underutilized and underappreciated and is abruptly “let go” after years of service because he does not have a college degree and cannot advance any further into a management position. Last I knew, you can't fire someone because they don't have a college degree, so we will assume they they are just downsizing. Anyway, Larry goes through the motions of trying to find a job yet times are tough and he is unable to find another job. We learn that Crowne spent twenty years in the Navy straight out of high school as a cook and he never attended college. He decides that he wants to change that and enrolls in Community College.

He ends up buying a scooter to save money on gas and on his first day of school, he meets free spirited Talia (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) and the rest of her “scooter gang,” including her boyfriend Dell Gordo (Wilmer Valderrama), who helps Larry adjust to his new life. His first class is Speech 217, taught by weary professor Mrs. Tainot (Julia Roberts), who manages to handle her early mornings and a failing marriage with many-a-blended alcoholic drinks.

Crowne also is enrolled in an economics class taught by a Dr. Matusani (George Takei, who was having a good time in this role), as he deals with his financial crises as the holder of one’s toxic mortgage. He also deals with his cell phone being taken away during the class.

So begins Larry's subtle romance with his cynical, troubled speech professor. The relationship between Hanks' and Roberts' characters is downplayed a bit and focuses more on believable, genuine affection towards each other.

The supporting characters in this movie play their parts strongly, never overshadowing the stars, but instead complementing them and creating a well-orchestrated cast: Cedric the Entertainer plays Larry’s quirky neighbor, Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) is Mr. Tainot, the writer turned internet blogger/porn-lover husband, Rami Malek (The Pacific), Grace Gummer(Meryl Streep's daughter), and Rita Wilson (Hank's wife) all add to the charm of the movie.

Larry Crowne is Hank's second feature film as a director - 15 years after That Thing You Do. He does a pretty solid job of this one. If you are looking for a break from superheroes, bad teachers, hangovers, or robots, go see something a little light hearted. I give this one a B.